he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
