Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
