Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
