if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
