Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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