You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
