I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We need to rekindle our bromance
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
