1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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