OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
