I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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