I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
