If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
