1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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