I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
