Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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