You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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