She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
