...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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