Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
