can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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