she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
