So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
