She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
