Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bring me that man meat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
