my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
