I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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