Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My first STD was from a foam party
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
