I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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