I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
