Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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