I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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