Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
