We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
