That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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