I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
