hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize