I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
