I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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