Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
