i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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