I need to stop coming to work sober
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
