Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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