ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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