she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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