Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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