so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
