so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
