I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
