Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless

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(818): View more from California

dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

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(914): View more from New York

I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.

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(224): View more from Illinois

He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.

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