Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
