Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
