I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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