I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Still dying that you shit outside
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
