thus making me awesome and them whores
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
