Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
