too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
