I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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