I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
