I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
