Are we in a gay sports bar?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
