I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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