I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
