I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
