He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
