A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize