Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
