Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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