Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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