yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
