Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
