Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As shirtless as possible
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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