and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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